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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?